I met up with this man once. We went to my favourite coffee shop and had a great time. The conversation we’d had over messaging translated well into in person. 

He looked good, he smelled good. He showed up on time, his communication beforehand was good. He had a pleasant face and an open way of talking. I’ve never met a man before or since that just naturally  led the conversation into sex.

I liked the way that he talked about having sex, the sensual nature of it that matches some of my own interests. We talked a lot about kissing, what a turn on it is, how important it is, how a good kiss can make or break an experience. 

At one point during the date I was turning the cap of my water bottle off and on, a sort of nervous tic. I knew I was doing it and couldn’t stop doing it. He noticed and instead of pointing it out or asking about it he reached out as if to grab my hand, paused and looked at me with a question in his eyes, silently asking if it was okay. I nodded slightly and he took my hand and said I have beautiful hands and nails. 

I enjoyed his tactile nature, the open way he appreciated me. Not just my hands but my body, my face, what I said. There was an interest there. I remember smiling a lot during that date. I basked in his attention. 

One of us had to be somewhere else so he walked me to my car. As I’d explained about being reciprosexual already halfway to the car he told me he thought I was pretty and sexy and that he would be interested in kissing me. 

And that’s where it all went wrong. I was into that first kiss. And the next one. He was an excellent kisser, his lips were soft but he applied just the right pressure. I pulled away with a smile on my face. We said our goodbyes and I turned, got into my car. He also walked away but after a few steps he turned back round until he was standing next to my car. 

I hit the button for my window to roll down, confused. He said he loved that kiss so much he wanted more. I said again that he or I needed to be somewhere but he had bent into my open car window for another kiss. I thought it weird but I was into that kiss too. I got out of my car so it wasn’t so awkward and that’s when it happened. 

This man, taller than me by 8 inches, with broad shoulders and strong arms leaned in for another kiss and in doing so held my head in place so I couldn’t move. His mouth on mine, his tongue. I found I couldn’t move, I tried to take a step back but he used his body to hold me in place as he took from my mouth what he wanted to have. I felt a panic rising in me, and when I felt a moment where I could no longer breathe I used both hands against his chest to push him away from me. 

I said something then. But not the thing I should have. I didn’t tell him that I wasn’t into that kiss. I didn’t say that he scared me with that kiss. I didn’t say that because we’d kissed before that it didn’t mean he was entitled to more kisses. 

Instead I got in my car and drove away. He messaged me and it took me a month before I blocked him.