The first time I met you I liked you immediately. I had just gotten my haircut that day and it was about half an inch too short. It felt like my hair that short just highlighted how round my face was, I was self conscious about it. But you were quick to say you didn’t think it was too short.

I was wearing that dress that had a deep V neckline. And you were fairly obvious in your interest as you couldn’t tear your eyes away from my cleavage. You even said early on that it was a great dress and that I looked good in it. And I felt good when you said it. I felt good as you looked at me.

I liked you from our messaging. I liked that you understood how (over) emotional I am and responded to it in your typical few words with a bit of humour thrown in. We always had things to talk about and in person, conversation flowed pretty naturally too.

I liked that you brought your dog with you. That we sat at that table with our knees bumping against each other. I don’t remember everything we talked about that night but I do remember you complaining about something. The way your body aches and you can’t do things you used to do when you were younger perhaps. I remember I said ‘are we at that part of that evening where we talk about our failing bodies and how we’re so old?’ and you said with laughter in your eyes ‘Is that not appealing?’ And it absolutely was. So appealing. There was an easiness to the way you could make me laugh.

I remember looking at you thinking I love your face. And your eyes, the shape of your mouth. The way your face went a little red in a blush sometimes. I remember trying to subtly look at your hands, that I liked the shape of you. And I knew I wanted to touch you. I wish I could remember if I touched you that night. My hand on your arm or your thigh. Or if I just thought really hard that I wanted to put my hand there.

Eventually the date had to come to an end. You needed to get your dog home. You walked me back to my car and when I pointed out which car was mine you said ‘oh nice’ in a way that I still don’t understand what you meant. But it’s such a small thing that I would have been embarrassed to ask.

I wondered what a kiss from you would be like all evening. And when it happened, I think I was fairly stunned. It was short, close-mouthed. And all the full body contact that I was hoping for never materialised and as I got in my car I thought ‘that was a very respectful kiss’ … and I thought we need a second kiss. A better one. Luckily we got it.