Look, I’m always losing my house keys 

Or my car keys

My hand sanitiser

The portable phone charger 

That I have two of for this very reason 

I used to keep them in my brown boots

The ones I never wear because they pinch my toes just a little bit 

That I keep by the shoe rack right by the door 

But they could also be in my coat pocket from that day it was really cold in the morning but sweltering by lunchtime 

Or the tote bag I hang in my room

That I use when I go charity shopping 

Or the handbag I grab as I’m heading out the door

When I’m wearing a dress with no pockets 

But still need to take the dog for a walk

I can’t find my bookmark 

And I can never find my reading glasses

Or the card that has my national insurance number on it 

I don’t know where the email address is for the lady who organises that course I want to take in the autumn

Or the loyalty card with the stamps in it that I take to my hairdressers 

So I look in drawers and piles of paperwork

Behind my bedside table 

But of all the things I’ve lost lately the things I’m not looking to find again 

Are your sarcastic remarks about us trying again 

The laughing emojis after it like you’d just said something hilarious 

Or the way you said let’s be friends? after we had sex for the first time 

I’ve completely lost your friendship after you stopped messaging me October of last year but popped up in my notifications again last week 

I want to lose the way I felt when you said I’m fascinating but mental 

And in the next breath asked when we can do this again 

I’m losing my patience for disrespect 

Of me

Of my boundaries 

For people who take of me

And don’t give back 

So I’ll look in my work bag

Behind that pile of books

Or in the pockets of those jeans I love with the wide legs that swish when I walk

And hope I find something closer to love

Or laughter 

And also my house keys

Always those