I was on a date recently. I was going to take my dog with me but he was feeling particularly lazy and didn’t seem that excited to go for a longer walk so I didn’t. But I met this man in a nearby park before an event he was going to later.

We had only just started talking a couple of days before we’d met up and I probably wouldn’t have met him so early except he was in my neighbourhood by coincidence so I thought why not? He was an interesting person to talk to online and that translated well when we met up. And unlike a lot of men, he did seem genuinely interested in me and asked me lots of questions. We talked about me being demisexual and reciprosexual and how that changed things for me. How complicated attraction can be. We talked a bit about sex and dating and how that’s gone for us both. We also talked about ourselves and our lives.

When we agreed to meet, I had given him my number and told him my real name and that I preferred that he call me by the name I’d had on my profile online. He accepted this without question but towards the end of the date when he walking me back to my car I was telling a story about learning to drive and how my driving instructor would just say my name very gently before she said things like perhaps you should slow down or whatever it was. It was at this point that he asked ‘how come she can say your name?’

And … I don’t think I’m always open about my name thing straightaway. Obviously I’ve told people before but usually I will gradually let people into some of my more interesting quirks. It just so happened that everything was concentrated to all of my quirks in a short period of time with this person.

I’ve lived my life online. And I’ve always created a different persona for myself when I could. If it’s possible to use a different name than my own, I have. Because I prefer it. I did grow up not particularly enjoying my own name but also, I like the person I can be by choosing something else. And then somehow it evolved into something more.

I can’t explain how or why it ended up like this but in a sexual or a romantic context, I don’t like others using my name. Because when they do use it? And this is only the people I know in a sexual or romantic way? Saying my name sounds like ‘I love you’ to me. So I actually love hearing my name, I just only want to hear it from those who do actually love me. Which is why I typically ask other people to use the name I’m going by instead of my actual name. And that’s what I said to this man I was on a date with.

His response? He said ‘You’re the most fascinating person I’ve ever met. Fascinating but mental. You know that, right? That you’re mental?’ And then he asked when we could see each other again. Funnily enough, I’m not rushing to make that happen.