I had a date with this man recently that was fairly weird. He was very good looking, and he made me laugh. We met up at a local pub halfway between where we both lived. I knew he was married and in an ENM relationship where both him and her were taking steps towards meeting and dating other people. He told me as we sat down with our drinks that his wife was on a date at the same time we were. Except she was on a date with another woman. But when he said ‘woman’ he whispered it and looked around as though someone might have heard him say the word woman.

I didn’t know what to make of him. I felt comfortable with him, and he’d been open about his interest in me before we met but I told him that I needed him to be open about his interest in me sexually in person otherwise it didn’t pass my reciprosexual test. When I reminded him of that on our date, as I was trying to figure out where I stood with him, wondering if I was going to have a kiss at the end of the night, trying to work out how I felt about it… and he swerved my comment.

Eventually, after our drinks were finished, we got up to leave and he gave me a bit of an awkward hug. I managed to drive all the way home before I messaged him. Thanking him for the evening, it was nice to meet up. And what did he think of me? Did he see things going anywhere?

And that’s when he said it. He wrote that he was into me – and him saying that after we’d met was literally all I needed in order for me to realise I was incredibly sexually attracted to him and a tidal wave of disappointment hit me when I realised that we’d missed out on kissing. But wait. He’d sent another message. That basically said he was into me BUT BUT BUT BUT the reciprosexual thing put him off. He wouldn’t have wanted to lean in for a kiss and for me to realise in that second that I wasn’t into him. He couldn’t take that risk.

I dithered about writing back to tell him that all I needed was to know that he was attracted to me sexually for me to know how I felt about him and that it was reciprocated. Should I have told him that? I decided against it. Mostly because he had followed up to wish me all the best of luck with what I was looking for etc.

He’d already given up on me and who was I to try to convince him that I was worth it.