I recently had a really long think based on a conversation I was having with a friend. The think ended up being a justification almost for why I write this blog. And my response ended up covering several different reasons. I thought it was interesting enough that I’d write them out here too.

The first is that I love storytelling. I was raised by a single father with a big personality. Big everything, really. Big voice, big opinions. And one of the things that he did was that he turned everything into a story. It didn’t matter if it was a boring story about going to do the big food shop or retelling childhood stories everything was an adventure, there was something there. Something big or magical or hilarious, something. He turned everything into a good story.

And I grew up listening to his stories. Sure, I liked to read and I got hooked on the storytelling elements in books and films and songs. But my main interest in storytelling came from my dad. He knew how to spin a good yarn and at some point in my life I decided that I wanted to be a good storyteller too. Not in the same way, obviously. I don’t have the magnetic presence he did, I don’t have the skill in the same ways. But I feel like I do a good job telling a story my way.

And some of that is that I like the control in it. I like transforming an uneventful date into something entertaining by focusing on certain things, highlighting feelings, cutting out the boring middle parts. I’m choosing where the story starts and ends and where the focus is. I like making word choices, I like playing with structure, with the perspective. These are things I enjoy.

I also think that I’m on a journey here. And I write this blog almost to document the changes I’m making, to mark my own development when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships. I feel like I’m always learning and changing but when you’re so close to things it can be hard to see the changes we’re making in small increments. And I don’t want to miss those changes. I write this blog to bear witness to me growing as as a person, as a person in relation to other people. And in the hopes that I am continually aiming for where I want to go or towards who I want to be. And maybe those things change along the way too but if they do, I’d like to document those changes as well.

But the third and final reason that I write this blog is to understand myself more by writing about some of my experiences. I can sometimes struggle to understand how I’m feeling about a person, or about a situation. And I need that time to really delve into those things, to examine them a little closer.

Sometimes the act of writing about meeting someone else, sometimes the act of writing about us having sex or whatever it is means that I’m sitting in that experience a little bit longer. And I’m spinning over what’s been said, what’s been done. And it’s helping me. I’m so clueless sometimes about things and I need that little bit of extra time to consider things. Especially with something so new.

As an example, I had sex with someone a few months ago and it took me a full month before I realised I felt uncomfortable with some of the things that had happened. I’m not suggesting there was a lack of consent or that I felt unsafe, but it took me writing a post about that experience to go over it again in my head to really know in myself that I didn’t feel comfortable in what had happened. It’s like there’s something stunted in me that it takes me a little bit longer to understand or to realise.

So those are my reasons. I’d love to know your reasons for reading this blog. For spending however much or little time reading my words and what it brings you. Whatever your reasons, I’m glad you’re here with me.