Have you ever met someone and your first impression of them is that you’re unlikely to get to a place where you’re attracted to them? And then something happens and you change your mind?

I met this guy over the summer. It was only briefly. We did have quite a short conversation at a party and I guess the reason that I figured I couldn’t be attracted to him is that he seemed incredibly energetic. Words were falling out of his mouth as though he couldn’t control them. He was complimentary but he almost took those comments over the line. Almost but not quite.

He messaged me after the party to apologise for his behaviour and to say that he isn’t normally like that, that he’d like to see me on my own sometime, would I be interested in meeting him for a coffee? I can’t remember if I outright said ‘no’ at the time – but that was essentially my answer. No. That first impression meant I couldn’t really see me and him as anything other than chaos. I feel like my vibe or tone or whatever you want to call is fairly relaxed, low-key. I’m not high energy and I don’t know what I’d do with someone who was bouncing off the walls.

But months later, I ran into him again. The circles we run in are small and incestuous so of course I ran into him again. And it was different. He was different.

And can you believe I have such a raging crush on this man now?

I knew he was cute beforehand. But the whole differing energy thing really put me off so much that I almost didn’t even see it. But I saw it the other night. He was composed, calm, relaxed. And in that state of calmness, he was charming, respectful.

He smiled at me. And when he was talking with me he’d lean closer to my ear, or he’d touch my arm in that way that touchy feely people do when they’re saying something important and want to use touch as another way of connecting. (I love those people)

He was with a woman friend and I actually just really loved how he was with her too. (We’re all ethically non monogamous so the fact that he was with her doesn’t mean much to any of us!) It was almost like I could see in the way he was with her how it could be if we were out in the evening somewhere and I don’t know. It seemed pretty nice.

I can’t tell at this point if I’m into him specifically or if I’m just into the idea of him. Do I want him to smile at me and pay attention when I’m speaking or do I want someone generally to do those things? How can one tell, really? Someone educate me. I need it.