Would you just ask to meet me already? Stop hinting around it and just tell me a date and time. I’ll say yes.

I find meeting people really hard. Especially lately. I’ve found it to be exhausting and the amount of effort I’d been putting into building connection with others only to meet and for there to be no chemistry or for them to have lied to me about things. Maybe we meet and communication styles changed afterwards. It all leads to disappointment.

So I’ve been struggling lately. I’ve been struggling to maintain enthusiasm to keep meeting people. It’s been hard to motivate myself to keep going with people, when the vast majority of the time it leads nowhere or it crashes and burns spectacularly. I don’t feel I have the energy to keep at it. And I’ve been in this slump for awhile lately.

Which is why things with him have been so lovely.

We’ve only messaged and not for a very long time either. At the time of writing, it’s only been maybe two weeks. But I would say after the first 2-3 days of having messaged him I’d have said ‘yes’ if he’d asked to see me. But he’s not asked yet. And that’s been frustrating.

I know I could have done more to be more straightforward with him about my interest but if I’m honest, I probably don’t have a lot of availability lately. I’m busy. And worse, I’m tired. From work, and family things and I started a new course that has knocked me on my ass.

But during how fucking tedious life stuff has been, I’ve been enjoying my messages with this man. They’re about stuff. About work or films or about parenting or the podcasts I’m listening to. He seems to get my sense of humour which is a good first step. And he makes me smile.

I don’t want to get my hopes up too much because we haven’t met yet. But I am quietly hopeful about this one.