This is the start of a new series in which I discuss the dating disappointments that I face. I imagine there will be no end to this series of blog posts and it will only end when I’ve given up entirely.

I get dozens of messages a week on different platforms. Mostly from men but occasionally from a couple. I would say that 90% of these messages do not interest or excite me. So imagine my excitement when I receive an interesting, articulate message from the male half of a MF couple. And he’s read my profile. And he’s responded to different elements of my bio. He’s respectful.

And we start up a conversation. And it’s interesting! We talk about board games and living abroad. We talk about children and work. Christmas films. Instead of rushing things too quickly, he talks about the possibility of playing a board game together at some point. If things work out, if we find there’s chemistry or desire to do other things.

And I like it. I’m excited by his messages. I’m looking forward to them. It isn’t perfect and that’s a big reason that this is a recent disappointment.

I notice that while I ask him lots of questions about the titbits of information he offers when I do the same he sails right past. He’s happy to talk about myself but when I take a step back from volunteering information the conversation rests firmly with him talking about himself.

When I explain how my reciprosexuality works he suggests meeting up for a coffee to see if there is chemistry or attraction. And I guess that’s where it all falls apart. I had seen his location on his profile but hadn’t entered it into Google Maps. I just assumed his location was just slightly further from where I’d normally met people from. But no.

90 minutes drive one way. The coffee date proposed would take me 45 minutes-1 hour to get to. If I like him, and if we were to see each other after this, the burden would probably rest with me to drive to him as his life commitments mean few opportunities and restricted access. And the idea of a three hour round trip to see anybody actually exhausts me.

I hate driving. I get anxious driving new places. I have anxiety about parking somewhere new. I also get bored and restless driving for that long. I’ve put it on my profile, I won’t want to travel long distances to meet people, I don’t want other people to travel long distances to meet me. And yet here I am. In this position where there is initial excitement about a person and …I don’t think it will work out. It will not be sustainable and even before we’ve met I’m thinking this is not for me.

Other people would probably make different decisions. But I know myself. And I know how my body is feeling at the idea of all that driving. And it’s saying please god, no.