I’ve had a terrible month.

I was involved in a car accident. And I have a toothache. Work is shit. My date got cancelled. I think things are ending with my on/off person. I feel under so much pressure with my course. I feel pulled thin right now.

And I think I’ve started to unravel under the weight of it all.

I cry all the time lately. I cry in the morning. And I cry in the shower. I cry in my reading chair. I cry into my pillow before I fall asleep.

And I think what makes it worse, or maybe it’s the reason I’m crying? I don’t really know. But I think it’s because I feel so utterly all alone.

Part of that is that when I start to feel like this I do crawl back into my protective shell and I start to hide from the world. History has taught me that I can’t rely on others to help me get through hard things. So I get it. Alone by design.

But it’s still really shit to feel like I’m the epitome of ‘out of sight, out of mind’ – that nobody is around to ask me how I’m doing. So there’s nobody around for me to say that life is really hard right now and wouldn’t it be great if things were a little easier?

Instead, I’m crying as I’m writing this. And I doubt anything will change. Expect maybe I’ll get a little bit better at taking life’s knocks.