I was without WiFi at home recently. I was changing broadband providers and there was a problem with the installation which meant that for several days I had no access to certain things.

I started off thinking … this will be fine? I don’t need constant access to the Internet or Netflix or whatever else.

And then I realised it’s not the constant access to shows or websites that I missed. It was the constant access to people giving me attention. I missed the constant noise that a stable WiFi connection in my home gives me. A Spotify playlist constantly blaring. Or an audiobook. I’m binge watching a show. Access to films to watch … to fill that space inside me.

I’ve always considered myself a relatively solitary person. I spend a lot of my time on my own with just my dog for company. But I don’t, not really. Because the vast majority of the time I’ll be messaging people. And when I’m not doing that, I’m filling my brain with other things to distract, entertain, avoid.

I’ve wondered recently about this dip in creativity. And now I’m wondering if I don’t have the space or capacity to create, to be inspired because I’m constantly consuming. Am I avoiding just existing? I do think this might just be a recent thing. I don’t think I’ve thought in the past that I was afraid to be on my own with own thoughts. But I think I need a shake up. Get back to myself.