I never used to think it does. And on this journey through sex and dating I’ve changed my mind.

I met this man awhile back. He was lovely. We went on two coffee dates two days in a row because he made me smile, he was interesting. He had a very calming demeanour. I felt like I could talk to him about anything. I wanted to see more of him.

Very soon after we decided to move things to nakedness. And it started off great. As a bit of sexy preamble, he told me as were kissing and fumbling to get our clothes off that he’s an engineer and his job is to listen to all these subtle changes in noise. He was talking about the machines he worked with and making this comparison with a woman’s body. My body. The noises I make.

And …I absolutely cannot fault him. The man had some very talented fingers and he definitely paid attention to what I liked and what I responded to. If we only ever did that, I think maybe we’d still be seeing each other. But we didn’t.

His size became apparent fairly soon after we were naked. And I remember having a thought like, this isn’t a big deal. I’m not a size queen, there are so many things that are more important. I don’t want to be that person that makes someone feel bad about something outside of their control. So I thought let’s power through. I was enjoying his hands on me. And I wanted more.

But when we got to the penis in vagina portion of the sex, I had a ‘is it in?’ moment. I wasn’t sure. The sensation I was getting was very little. There was no pleasure in it for me. It didn’t last long and after we’d finished and gotten dressed and tidied ourselves up, there was an awkwardness between us. But neither one of us said anything. What is there to say when something is so very disappointing?

I wanted to hold onto how great he was as a person, how interesting I found him. I wanted to remember how he made me feel with his fingers. The dedication he put into making me feel good. But in the end, I found that I couldn’t get past the other thing. Where size did really matter to me.