I thought today I’d return to a theme and talk about some communication fails I’ve experienced recently. Good communication is so important, I honestly cannot stress that enough.

Experience 1

One of the first men I met after I started putting myself out there following my separation was this lovely man. When he and I started messaging the main points that we both raised were that we were busy people who were missing physical intimacy. So impulsively we agreed to meet up and scratch that itch for each other, so to speak.

He was a good looking man. He hadn’t mentioned it but it was obvious that he used to weigh a lot more and that he’d lost a lot of weight in a short period of time. I wonder in hindsight if that played some part in a lack of confidence in him?

He had an easy smile and I felt quite comfortable with him very quickly. It helped that when I licked his earlobe and almost sucked it into my mouth he let out the biggest gasp of pleasure I’ve ever heard. It does things to me to find out things that turn on other people.

But communication. We were in the middle of the sex when all of a sudden he pulled right out of me, left the room and 30 seconds later I heard the shower running in his ensuite. …And I was left naked lying on his bed wondering wtf just happened?

When he came out of the shower, he seemed to want to get right back to where he’d left off. But obviously that wasn’t going to happen without some explanation. And that’s when he told me, belatedly, that he has a mild form of OCD and finds the idea of his own sweat a trigger.

We’re all busy people, but we’re not too busy to relay some important information to our sexual partners. It was in the middle of summer and we were having sex where sweat could reasonably be expected to happen.

Experience 2

Fast forward a few months and I had another experience where communication was not at its best. This man was full of energy. When I met him he immediately made me think of an excitable puppy. Constant movement in an adorable way.

Physically he was very different to anyone I’d been with before. While he obviously worked out and was in good shape, his body frame also seemed rather slight. Together with him also being about my height, next to him, I felt large. Wide.

Thankfully my own self consciousness did not hinder us getting on with what we were both there for. And he went about all the foreplay with some gusto. He enjoyed kissing. And playing with my breasts. He was definitely a man that enjoyed giving oral and I vocalised my pleasure at his attentions. When I positioned myself to return the favour and give him oral, he lasted about 45 seconds before he said anymore of that and we won’t end up doing anything else. So we moved onto penetrative sex.

And afterwards, he asked me what I enjoyed the most. I’m sure I blushed when I said ‘the oral’ and (communication fail) he heard what he wanted to hear. So when he was ready again he asked if I wanted more? I thought he meant me receiving more so I said ‘yes’ only to be very surprised when he straddled my face and he shoved himself into my mouth at the most uncomfortable angle ever.

In the end I had to physically push him off me.