Have you ever just met someone and ended up breaking all your rules?

I connected with this man awhile back. He seemed ridiculously into my profile. What I’d written, the pictures I’d posted. He was very complimentary in a way that I like the most – where it felt genuine but also not just about my physical appearance. I don’t rate my face that much so when men talk about it I feel a bit disconnected.

We started messaging fairly regularly. Talking about a combination of light, casual things and also more deep, serious things. I need that balance. I remember once I jokingly said I’d enjoy his (very sexy!) pictures more if it was him lounging naked reading a book and he immediately sent me the greatest picture ever of just that. Him in bed, naked with a book propped just in front of him so that I could see his bare chest, his legs, a very sexy look on his face but nothing more intimate. It was tasteful, classy. It delighted me. He delighted me.

He was also just a little bit mysterious. Holding fascinating things about himself close to his chest and dropping little hints like, meet me for coffee or a long shag and maybe I’ll tell you about these things sometime. And I was keen. I definitely wanted to meet him but his availability was poor and it took awhile to make things happen.

We met up in a nearby cafe on a really rainy, stormy day. But in the cafe, it almost felt cosier. Secluded. Safe in a bubble. I had said to him beforehand that he might not be physically attracted to me in person (it’s happened before!) and he said the same about himself. But it would have been difficult not to fancy him in person. He looked …so put together. I know that sounds like a weird description but it really fit him. He had said early on that he kept to good fitness levels for a sporting hobby but also that he was also a bit into the idea of looking good. And he really did.

But he was also really funny and I love funny people. Halfway through our drinks, I asked him what was the last book he read and loved and why? And he started telling me about some historical book that I’d never heard of by an author I was familiar with (but that I hadn’t ever considered what type of books they had written) and I was sort of only half listening as I was more distracted by just watching him. Watching his face light up as he was talking about this book, the way he looked in his jumper, the way the light sort of hit this one spot on his neck.

Then he said still talking about this book he loved ‘maritime regulations state…’ and let me tell you, my sexual attraction peaked in that very moment. There’s just something about nerdiness in a man. Nerdiness of books and reading in a man. And together with the way we’d talked about a whole slew of other things, that he was nice to look at, that he made me laugh. I knew that I definitely wanted to be naked with this man.

So when he suggested a time and date, I said ‘yes’. I noticed after I accepted that I had plans with my book group that evening but I cancelled on them. I felt like these plans were more pressing. And as he and I are talking about plans he (probably jokingly) suggested that I show up at his door in nothing but lingerie. ‘In December?’ I laughed. And a coat, he generously suggested. But it was the huge amount of lust that I had for this man that I thought …why not. I’ll do it. Who needs those rules you have for yourself, right?

And actually, I felt quite sexy dressing in my lingerie and coat and driving to his place. It felt like a turn on to be doing something so out of the ordinary for me. I liked the idea of him being into it. I liked feeling sexy. …Until Google Maps said I’d arrived and I couldn’t obviously spot where any of the houses were. I could see nothing but a row of garages. I wanted to live out the sexy scenario of knocking on his door how I was dressed. But in the end I called him. Said I’m lost, please come out and find me.

It didn’t feel quite so sexy walking 10 minutes from where I’d parked my car through a maze of paths to his place, shivering the entire time. Me thinking, what’s sexy about bare legs in the winter? Why did my coat have to be this thin? Layers, folks. Layers are sexy.

Things were a bit better when we get into his warm house. His living room was cosy and warm and I stood there slightly awkwardly as he went off to get me a drink. I needed a minute to compose myself anyway. When he came back, he gave me a hug and that’s always the perfect antidote. Hugs make everything better.

And after I had feeling in my legs again we did end up in his bed. And it was nice. He had questionable taste in music but I would say a nice time was had. Perfectly adequate. And that’s as generous as I can be with him. Because after he went to tidy up, he gave me the first hint that he’d like for me to go. I thought ‘that’s weird’ but didn’t think much more of it. Until he said he was probably going to this thing in about 45 minutes. And he said it a little pointedly. So at this point I’m starting to question things a bit. And eventually he just outright says ‘if you’re hoping for round 2, you’re out of luck’ or something to this effect. And so, after three very blatant attempts at kicking me out, I get my shoes on and leave.

Thankfully, I thought ahead and threw in a dress and a pair of leggings into my bag. Messaged my book group that I’d meet them for dinner after all. Sometimes those rules are in place for a reason and sometimes I need to remember that.