I think of you often

In those hazy moments between awake and dreaming

When the memories of you

settle on my eyelashes.

And it’s enough

The thought of you

And what we were once to each other.

---

I sometimes wonder if I should write to you

If my words should jump into this space between us

knowing that the gulf between us 

Was built by you and me

Deliberately,

Knowingly.

And while every inch of me

Wants to crawl across every one of those miles and see the view from the other side of this valley 

Instead I look into the distance

Take a deep breath 

And smile through my tears

At the beauty of the sunrise.

---

I spend minutes and weeks picking up different words, 

Turning these words in my hands 

Agonising over the weight and feel of them

If I spoke these words,

Would they find you again?

Would you be happy to hear them?

---

You once said to me ‘who am I, really, in the grand scheme of things? to make you feel this way?’

And I didn’t see it then, but I see it now

You’re gone and yet you’re also still with me

And I’m left wondering if any of my words now, right or not, 

Could ever make their way to you 

And find that place again

That I used to occupy

But which no longer exists