More than one person has said to me privately that a lot of my stories and blog posts end up on some rather sad or bittersweet endings (Difficult Choices, Electric Kisses, Crush and Burn to name a few!). Sometimes this is just unfortunate timing, bad luck. Sometimes it’s me making choices that aren’t good for me. But I wanted to reassure you today that it isn’t all bittersweet for me! Things do work out. And they work out for me. So today is more about a sweet beginning.

I have this person in my life, I think one of the first things he said to me in a message was that he was interested in me, but if there isn’t attraction, he’s at least fun and interesting company. And he so is. That’s such a him thing to say too. I love spending time with him. Not only is he very funny but he’s got a beautiful face, really quick to smile and laugh. But I think the thing I like about him most is how he makes me feel. Which is safe, accepted. I can be anxious and weird around him, I can be morose and thoughtful, I can be loud and dramatic. All the different parts of me, and it feels okay.

And I’ve met him several times now. The first time we hung out over drinks, talking and laughing. And other times we’ve hung out together naked in bed but still with the talking and laughing. He does this thing, and he’s done it all of the times we’ve met so far – which is saying something about me, for sure, but I bring it up as a thing I’m pointing out about him – where whenever we’re crossing the street together he stops me before I just casually step into oncoming traffic. It’s such a small thing but I love it when he does it. I’ll be babbling about something when we’re outside and he’ll be like, hey, I’m looking out for you. I like it.

We have things in common. Being non-monogamous, having an interest in the world and specifically an interest in the experience of marginalised people. Having complicated families and relationships. An interest in poetry. In getting to the heart of things. Sometimes it feels like ‘Yes, you get it!’ at the same time as utter bafflement when one of us has to explain something (obvious) to the other that we don’t get because of all of our differences too. But I think that makes it more fun and interesting.

Sex with him is good. But I think sex with him is good because of all the other stuff I’ve mentioned. The care he shows me, the things we have in common, the comfort I feel to be myself around him, that he makes me laugh. There’s such sexiness when it comes with knowing how you feel about a person, knowing how they feel about you. There’s a sexiness about having a friendship that’s big enough to encompass sexy times and for it to just enhance your friendship more than anything else.

And there’s a sexiness about someone who just makes me smile. I’m currently making plans to see him again…

Updated to add: Wrote this too soon. Bittersweet it is.