I read a book recently called Please Yourself: How to Stop People-Pleasing and Transform the Way You Live by Emma Reed Turrell.

I really recommend it. I think I need to read it again to fully grasp all the things mentioned, to really let some of the recommendations sink in. But even from the first read I was thinking ‘oh god, that’s me.’

What I found interesting is all the different ways I’ve used in the past to people please. The book is broken down into people-pleasing at work, in friendships, with families, during the holidays and within relationships. It really does just cover lots of eventualities and lots of different types of relationships whether that’s a professional relationship with your manager and creating healthy boundaries at work or whether that’s family who quite (in my experience) feel entitled to encroach on your boundaries.

I think the people-pleasing in relationships and friendships was the reason the book itself was appealing to me but the other sections were also helpful. I think a common sense approach means that this book isn’t ground-breaking, people are probably aware of their own people-pleasing tendencies but what helped me were the case studies, breaking down the reasons for people-pleasing and also the perspective from someone else dealing with your people-pleasing. It’s so easy to see from your own perspective that you’re trying to be easy-going, flexible, whatever you want to do, wherever you’d like to eat and how fucking annoying that can be.

I needed that. I need to be told those things and reading this book felt like an eye-opener on so many levels. I think I’ve gotten to a point now where I feel like I’m better at doing things, saying things that please myself and what I want or need. But I just needed the little nudge that this book gave me as to why I’ve been like this or how I can turn things around.

I feel like we can all improve things within ourselves and now and again it’s really needed to read something like Please Yourself. I’m certainly glad I read it.