I actually really love it when he looks at my profile. It shows up in my notifications when he looks at it, I don’t know if he knows that. But it sends a little thrill through me every time he looks at my profile or likes the pictures I’ve uploaded. It’s been over a year and it still makes me feel that way.

Sometimes I’ll look at his profile too. But because of my settings I know he won’t get a notification that I’ve looked at his. I prefer this. But because I like balance I try to not look at his profile more than he looks at mine. It seems fair. Plus he took all his face pictures out of his private gallery and that removed part of my reason for looking.

Tonight though I clicked on his profile after I’d seen that he’d liked my latest picture.

And I started crying.

He’d changed his profile to state that he can accommodate whereas I’m pretty sure it used to be say that he cannot. I don’t know if this is a recent development but it made the tears fall straightaway. Maybe I’ve been feeling sensitive and a little bit off tonight and this whole week but it set me right off.

The idea that he could have changed this setting to appeal to other women.

The idea that he’s never once given me any indication that he’d ever invite me over.

That he might trust some other woman to have her in his space and not me.

The fact that he’s never invited me over.

Not once.

In a full fucking year.