I had such a great conversation with my ex the other day. I don’t remember how it started but fairly soon into it I’d written an entire essay at him. He’s probably used to that by now. He used to ask me a fairly inoffensive ‘how are you?’ some days and instead of I’m okay/I’m fine I’d launch into a detailed account of every thought I’ve had over the last 9 hours including some existential crises and every single twist and turn to my thoughts helped towards my answer. And in doing so answering one simple question would end up taking 6 hours. He’s the only person I do this with. Or did. Did, I guess is probably more accurate.

Though it happened the other day and it was lovely.

I’d sent over my essay of all the different aspects of whatever it was we were talking about. And he did this thing that I fucking love. He pulled out one thing that I’d said and asked if we could go over this point first. Tell me about this, he said.

And my response was immediate – all the love and affection I still and will always feel towards him just swelled up inside me.

Oh I missed this, I told him. You questioning my word choice to find out if I’m being kind to myself.

I’ve never met anyone before or since who is so consistent about wanting me to be kind to myself. In my thoughts, in my actions, in what I say about myself.

Did I tell you that when I sent him the link to the blog he asked if I could amend my tagline to read ‘A woman in her 40s, newly single, trying to navigate sex, dating and relationships’ instead of what I had originally written which was ‘Just a woman in her 40s, newly single, trying to navigate sex, dating and relationships’ It’s one word but it changes the tone of my tagline in an important way. When he gave me that suggestion it made me smile in the same way as my conversation with him the other day.

He’s a very complimentary sort of person, and god, he gave me so much reassurance when we were together that I needed and my confidence in myself and my self esteem has skyrocketed from so many things but mostly because of how he is with me. I love the big things, the showy-ness that can happen in relationships. But it’s the little things that get to me.