You feel like an unanswered question. There was something there and then it got interrupted. And I don’t mind saying (anonymously) that I think about what it would be like to explore all those unspoken things, all those things we haven’t done together. That makes it sound like I’m daydreaming about us having deep philosophical conversations but don’t be mistaken. My mental image is one of naked bodies crashing against each other with mouths and tongues and fingers everywhere.

I’m not going to write too much about this one. We had a flirty relationship, we met up. We both wanted to have sex but my period and a lack of time and space posed problems. Drama followed us (him) around and it was something I couldn’t get past. We live too far apart for anything to really happen and I’m not feeling hugely generous from my side about travelling to see him so it feels fairly dead in the water.

But it’s an interesting thing to think about though, isn’t it? Unanswered questions.

And by that I guess I really mean where expectations started to build up that something sexual might happen and then for whatever reason life got in the way and it’s never happened.

This has been me several times. Not just with the man in the original comment. But with a man that lives in Manchester. We grew close online during lockdown and when lockdown lifted I travelled up to see him for what should have been a sexy weekend filled with plenty of sex and orgasms. But I got the train home on Sunday and the only orgasm I’d had that weekend is the one I gave myself before I fell asleep on his sofa.

After that weekend, things fizzled out between us relationship wise. But every now and again one or both of us would creep into the other’s messages and be like, ‘hey, how you doing?’ in that way people do when they want to bang someone. And I think it was clear that both of us wanted a good fucking from each other. To just get it out of our systems. To know what it would be like. To actually do the thing we’d both been daydreaming and fantasising about for ages.

He and I were on a rollercoaster. We’d ended our romantic and sexual relationship very definitively. But our friendship would take dives into the possibility of us meeting again but he’d invariably cancel. And I’d get frustrated and block him then have a change of heart and unblock him. It went on like this for ages. Actual months. Before I finally just blocked him for the last time.

Do I wonder what it would be like to have sex with him though? Yes, absolutely. But I’m definitely not wading back into that shit show. Not this time.