Do you ever have that problem where you are into the idea of something or someone and your brain runs away with itself? I think I’ve fallen foul of it quite often.

Sometimes, as I’ve written on this blog before, I’ve actively participated into fantasy thinking. Especially with others. Before I brought up divorce or separation with my ex husband I’d feel so unhappy and miserable that I liked a bit of imaginary release from reality. And at times with people I’d build pictures in my head about futures with these people online. Even at the time of doing it I knew it wasn’t real. But it made me happy for a time. And that had a place in my life then.

These days I thought that I was beyond playing fairy tale. But I caught myself in the act of it the other month. I was in Paris for a long weekend and at the same time my ex was on holiday and for a brief moment I thought … I wonder what it would be like if my ex and I went on holiday together?

And I played that game in my head for maybe two minutes. I allowed myself two minutes of that fantasy. Of seeing his beautiful face, of having the luxury of time together. I think we’d have a great time just the two of us, I don’t think it would matter where in the world we were. In my imagination I was thinking we’d approach any new place the way we approached visiting sex clubs for the first time. Maybe a bit of nerves, but some curiosity, some childlike excitement, together.

On the back of that fun note, I started thinking if other people in my life would share the same great thoughts if we went on holiday. I thought of my on/off person, what would it be like if he and I went somewhere on holiday together? And I knew the moment I thought the question that I had no answer for it. And that’s because we wouldn’t go on holiday together. There is no real world basis in it. I’d like us to be the type of people that would want to spend time together, do something intimate and exciting like travel together. But I know in my heart that it would never happen.

And it’s a sobering thought. That some people are reality and some people are fantasy.