I didn’t think he’d come over.

I asked and he said no. And somewhat bizarrely, we ended up messaging about me having sex with someone else. Because things had been kind of weird between us (on my side, not his) I hadn’t had a chance to go over my thoughts about that experience with him. I love going over my thoughts specifically with him because he gives great feedback and asks good questions and in the discussing it, I feel like I come to better understand how I felt about it all.

But somehow in that discussion we both got a bit sidetracked and I ended up giving him a bit of a reminder of how much I love having his cock in my mouth. Listening to the way his breathing changes, the pleasure groans he makes. How hearing those pleasure noises turns me on more and gets me more excited to make him feel good.

He asked if today was going to be a lingerie and sex toy day and I responded to say ‘after this conversation? it definitely will be’ and I still had zero expectations from him at all so it felt completely out of the blue when he asked if a helping hand would be of any use.

I was a little bit nervous and I’d told him that earlier in the week – yes, I always like seeing him but at the same time after all the slight weirdness between us I wasn’t sure how I’d feel seeing him again.

Would knowing that he definitely did not have feelings for me change the way I reacted to him? I didn’t know.

I can say definitively that it didn’t change a single thing for me. As soon as I swung my door open to him standing there I had a big smile on my face. What I wanted to do was grab his shirt and pull him in. Both into my house and also in for a kiss. But instead, awkwardly, I told him about how I tried to get my bodystocking off while I was sprinting down my stairs and how that nearly resulted in me falling down them instead.

Despite it all, we ended up on my bed and we’re kissing and his hands are on me. And everything feels so good. How does it feel this good? I think briefly between orgasms that one of the things that I like about him so much is how he responds to all of my non-verbal cues. At one point I’d raised my left hand above my head where one of his hands were and he knew right away that I was asking him to hold my hand there, that I like that. But not only that, he then moved his leg to cover my right leg as it was spread open and in that second I had every bit of restraint that I wanted and needed.

I told him afterwards that he felt like an intensifier to me. I don’t know if that makes sense? But with other people I’m not as orgasmic as I have been with him. I’ve definitely been that orgasmic with (at least one other) partners but something about him, the way he pays attention to my body, to my reactions sends me into this sexual space where everything just crashes together into this chaos of pleasure.

Even when I start to think to myself, surely I can’t have another… or if I do, it’ll take longer to get th–and another one lands like a lightning bolt. And I feel really sexy when it’s happening. There was a moment where I was on all fours facing a mirror in my room, and my boobs are hanging in this bodystocking and I don’t think I’ve ever seen my face in the throes of that much pleasure and I’d normally think god, no I don’t want to see. But it was almost like I was seeing myself how he sees me? I could be reading too much into that but I was surprised by how much I didn’t hate it.

Do you know what? He can come over again sometime.