I was on a dog walk recently when this song came on. It isn’t surprising, it’s one of my favourite songs and it comes up on my playlist quite often.

But it hits me in a very specific way when I hear it. Every time I hear it.

I’ve written before about a relationship with an English teacher years ago that helped me realise how unhappy I was, how small my life was and how much I wanted to change things for the better. That man was married and it was after that (online) relationship ended that I made this connection with this song.

Since you left me, if you see me with another girl
Seeming like I’m having fun
Although she may be cute
She’s just a substitute because you’re the permanent one

I heard this song after things ended with him and this particular set of lyrics ripped me open. Because I heard it and it feels like it cuts through all my excuses, all the beautiful lies that I tell myself about being the Other Woman.

Although she may be cute (this is me Smokey is singing about me now, I’m ‘she’) She’s just a substitute because you’re the permanent one (‘you’ here is his wife).

No matter how cute I am, no matter how fun, no matter how great we are together, no matter if there’s love. It all feels like nothing because I was only ever a stand-in.

She’s the permanent one.