Whatever colors you have
In your mind
I’ll show them to you
And you’ll see them shine

I watched A Complete Unknown during my Christmas break. And on the back of watching that film I went down a rabbit hole of listening to a lot of Bob Dylan’s songs. Like, a lot. It wasn’t the first time I’d listened to his music but I do think that it was one of the first times I probably appreciated it.

One song that stuck out for me was Lay, Lady, Lay. More than ten years ago when I was still in contact with the English teacher he mentioned this song to me. He said he was listening to music and when this song came on, he thought of me.

It was because of the lyrics I’ve posted above. Whatever colours you have in your mind. I’ve always been a fairly sensitive person. As a child I remember I used to be told off for it. For feeling things. For picking up on other people’s emotions. For seeing things. But I didn’t remember any of that.

Not until I met the English teacher. And there was something in his acceptance of me that meant that I could open myself up to that sensitivity again. When we would video call I could see what he said in different colours. When I was feeling things from our relationship I’d see things as little visual cartoons. I’d dream in more unusual ways.

I don’t remember everything that happened, but I do remember the feeling of being with him at the time. I felt …open. Creative. Artistic. And I was very much leaning into this wild, carefree, mad artist thing.

So those colours in your mind that Bob Dylan was singing about? They were actual colours that the English teacher was thinking about when he thought about me. And I’d forgotten that until I heard this song again. I forgot the person when I was with him. I feel like every relationship brings out or hides parts of ourselves. And I’m not that open, creative or artistic as I was with him. Not anymore. It’s not a sad thing, it’s just different parts of myself.