I mentioned a post about my ex husband and change. This is my attempt at that post.

When I first met my ex husband he had a million interesting hobbies. He was very musical, playing the piano and violin and writing and singing songs as he played. One of my favourite things was to read my book listening to him play the piano. Even as he struggled to get the right notes or whatever.

We started our own little book club together when were getting to know each other. It was cute. We’d get the same book, read it and discuss it together. We used to lay next to each other in bed and listen to each other’s music. He wrote a screenplay, he started drafting a graphic novel. We talked about going on a round the world trip, even had an itinerary planned out with places we both felt strongly about.

I feel like I was led to believe that our lives would grow together and that there would be some element of this creativity and connection and exploration. Exploration of ourselves and of the world.

And yet we were married for decades and …he stopped playing the piano. He never wrote again. Until recently (he found audiobooks) I could count the number of books he’d read on one hand. We never took that round the world trip.

And I don’t think I’d be writing this post if other changes had happened but it was like everything was the same. His taste in music, his taste in clothes, his hairstyle. Where he wants to go on holiday, what he wants to do on the weekends. It was gradual but eventually he just stopped growing.

It feels incredibly sad to feel like I’ve outgrown a person. But I don’t think I’ve ever stopped growing. I don’t think I can stop. And I don’t know how to connect with someone who has stopped engaging in change or growth. Even just an interest in how I’ve changed?

And the other side of the story is the way I’ve felt about his reaction to me continuing to change. The resistance to it. The laughing about it. The doubt about it. The questioning where it’s come from, the insecurity that it means further change. But it isn’t for me to make myself smaller for his peace of mind.