I shared the link to this blog with someone new. And when he brought it up again a few weeks later he said he had started reading it from the beginning. I was shocked when he said that but out of curiosity, I clicked through to the first post and read from the beginning too. I was having a slow afternoon at work and I got through maybe 20 or so posts.

I …was surprised. Sometimes I started reading the posts and I couldn’t remember what I was writing about immediately. I read certain posts and sometimes I felt nostalgic about the person (Crush and Burn) or about the experience (Electric Kisses). I read some of my early poetry with new eyes that hadn’t read those poems since I wrote them.

There was such hope and optimism in those early days. I’m laughing at me using the phrase ‘early days’ because I started this blog 11 months ago but it’s crazy how different my approach has been. I said to this person as a warning when I gave him the link to this blog that it has taken a nosedive into some depressing territory and reading some of those early posts I feel like I know why.

That’s silly. What I mean is that I’ve always known why there have been week long breaks on this blog. I’ve known why I feel heavy to sit down and write blog posts. It’s because I’ve been having disappointing experiences with others, it’s disheartening to write endlessly about failed dates, failed connections.

But I think what I have taken from reading some of my earlier blog posts is that I should still take chances. Say ‘yes’ to things. Obviously give myself plenty of grace and self-care when things go wrong, but I want to get back to feeling excited about meeting people, excited about having experiences. Instead of just waiting for it to all go wrong.

Because one of these days it will all go right. And it’ll be worth it.