This concludes my thoughts on the therapist thread that I saw on Threads recently. I saw this initial post and had visceral reactions to three different items on the list.

I opened up to my therapist that I develop feelings too quickly. She handed me a journal and said, “If you lose yourself when someone gives you attention, these 10 questions will show you why their attention feels like the oxygen your nervous system searches for.”

I’ve gone over the first two thoughts in previous posts but today I’m here to talk about the 10th item on this list.

10. Do I attach quickly because attention fills a void I don’t know how to fill myself? Being chosen feels like oxygen when self-worth feels like holding your breath.

Damn.

I’ve written before about being chosen. I’ve touched on it anyway.

And I’ve written recently about struggling to be myself. Recently when I had no WiFi in my house for several days it became so much more obvious how much I relied on the attention of others to fill some need in me.

I guess without even intending to address this specific problem I’ve tried to work on myself. I’ve put a Work Focus on my phone during working hours to stop notifications from getting to me. (I can still see them, but I have to check for the notifications and I’m trying to stop myself from checking!)

And I’m also trying to stop myself from spending so much time seeking the attention of others. I need to be enough for myself. And in order to do that I need to prioritise myself.

What can I be doing that puts my emotional, physical and psychological needs first? I’ve started a list. I’ve tried to minimise other people from this journey. I’ve tried to focus more on things that I would enjoy doing like reading or writing. I’m trying to focus on eating healthier foods and making better fitness choices. I hope by doing these things I’m telling myself ‘you’re worth it’

I’ve booked a mini spa day that I’ll do on my own and I’m looking into other activities to do including improving my home environment. Giving myself the time and space needed to focus on my studies.

I feel like it has to become an ongoing project, one in which I’m putting myself first and investing time and energy into myself. And eventually I’ll include others into that but hopefully by the time that’s happened, I’ll feel better about just me. Wish me luck.