This thing happened recently and with it, I realised that I spotted a bit of a trend that could be a change maker for me.

There was a man that messaged me a few weeks ago. He sent a message that was one single sentence but it was the type of thing that I would respond to – not just ‘how are you?’ or something boring. It was intriguing, exciting almost.

And he and I messaged fairly intensely for a few days. Always the same thing. This man would say just enough to get me hooked. It was tantalising. And I responded to him in a way like every time he’d throw out something intriguing I’d want to know more. But he always giving me thing in very small doses. And being inconsistent with messaging.

It started to get to where I felt this emotional high every time I saw he’d message. And then when I logged in and saw he hadn’t I’d think something like ‘what about me isn’t enough to keep his attention?’ but like I didn’t realise this was happening until after. I was stuck on this high and low where his attention was either validating or invalidating my worth.

Things changed when he said something suggestive but vague and something about what he’d said finally set off a red flag for me. I told him that I’ve struggled in the past with people who weren’t consistent or weren’t straightforward in what they wanted. The man acknowledged what I said but remained vague.

Then he said something else suggestive and I called him on it. He said something like he’s keeping vague because he knows I’m good conversation but without seeing my face, my eyes specifically he doesn’t know if he’s truly attracted to me. (I knew I wanted him to be attracted to me!) but at that point I thought … what am I doing here? Why am I chasing this man for his attention?

He’s not giving me what I want and I deserve more than someone’s breadcrumbs. So I decided this is no longer serving me. I don’t want my interactions with others to follow a similar pattern. I don’t want these extreme highs and lows. And separately, I’m working on validating myself.

I’ve decided on a couple of non-negotiable things moving forward. And they’re really simple. Consistency and clarity.

If someone doesn’t offer me both of those things they can get in the bin.

I deleted the message thread from this man and I haven’t looked back.