Remember me mentioning my ‘stalker’ in a previous post about a social event at a sex club? Well, he’s at it again. He attended the social event I was recently at.

Luckily, I met a friend there who knew that I was absolutely desperate to avoid this person the entire evening. So whenever I saw him coming close, I’d walk around my friend so he was in the line of sight of this creepy guy instead of me. Or he’d step in front of me. It was actually really nice, just felt like a relief that I didn’t have to deal with him on my own.

He didn’t actually say anything to me that night. I’m not even sure if he knows who I am or recognises me away from my persona online. But I don’t care. The man makes me deeply uncomfortable and I will do anything to not have to converse with him or be in his company. I definitely won’t pretend that I’m enjoying his company or his conversation.

At one point in the evening, I was standing in a group of people and I saw this guy walking towards us so I stepped behind this tall man I was standing next to to avoid him. And I saw as he walked past a woman and though he had plenty of space to walk by her, he touched her (bare) shoulder and said ‘oh, excuse me’ but as conversation continued as he walked past, the woman he touched and I both knew that he it was utterly unnecessary to touch her, that he had just used walking past her as an excuse to put his paws on her.

So I told them about my experiences with my stalker. How he made me uncomfortable, how he’d lunged at me in the dark room. The woman I was talking with understood me immediately. And there was another man with us who said something along the lines of ‘I was talking to him earlier, I had no idea he was such a creep’ and that’s the thing, isn’t it? He isn’t likely to show off his creepiness to other men. It’s only to women that he feels he has that right to touch us, to makes us feel uncomfortable, to encroach on boundaries, to think those things like consent don’t apply to him.

It was nice to see that this person that I hadn’t met before that night just understood and accepted that this was my experience. It was the experience of the woman we were both talking to. It was the experience of women everywhere. All of us. He apologised to me for all of the horrible men and he seemed genuinely horrified by it. And even though it is awful to have to continually be on guard and constantly vibe check men for safety concerns, for anything that feels not right, there are at still plenty of men out there that are still decent.

That will tell the hosts that there’s someone invited that makes women uncomfortable. That will look out for you so you can relax and enjoy the party, that will step in front of you to hide you from his sight. That will warn others about him and doesn’t leave it to me to tell people, to rehash the story.