I have this friend. We had an interesting start, had sex, then something happened that made me feel on shaky ground and so I told him that because of that thing that happened that I’d prefer to be just friends.

That was, I don’t know? 5 or 6 months ago. And he took it really well when I told him. Obviously he apologised for the thing but he’s never pushed that boundary that I set. We are good friends, sometimes when I’ve written a post on here and mention that I was talking to a friend about something it’s a 50/50 chance it’s him (the other person is my ex). And it’s nice. I like that even though we’ve had sex before, that it hasn’t stopped us from being friends moving forward.

Anyway, my friend was at this thing recently. And all this time I have genuinely thought of him as my friend. And then I saw him at this event and I just felt really happy to see him. It’s easy being around him. He was the person looking out for me when the creepy stalker guy kept walking near me. It happened once where the guy came and stood in the group of people I was with and I panicked and I stepped behind my friend. And someone else in the group saw that and said to me ‘what are you doing, come stand over here’ and instead of having me explain, my friend said firmly said ‘no’ to her. And I liked that.

I liked that he’d wander off to go socialise and mingle with others but he’d circle around, catch my eye and ask if I’m doing okay. He brought me water without asking. And when I got a bag of sweets and found there was Haribo in it that I didn’t like, I took his instead. And in that exact moment I thought … holy shit, I’ve got a crush on my friend.

On the train home I started piecing together my thoughts of that evening and about him and I thought …over the last few months I’ve really changed my priorities when it comes to people in my life. I value consistency. And good communication. Someone who pays attention to me, values my thoughts and feelings and opinions, kindness.

And as I was eating the sweets I stole from him I realised that he fits all of those things. So why are we just friends?