It had been awhile since I had seen or spoken to him but when he sent a message that read ‘I see you like to run, are you a park runner?’ I wanted to die.

I had had sex with this man just two years ago. My profile still sounded like me, the pictures still looked like me. When I got his message I thought oh my god, he doesn’t remember me.

Was I really not memorable enough to stay lodged and this man’s brain? Really? And then I gave it more thought and remembered that I hadn’t enjoyed the sexual experience that much and yet I still couldn’t shake this feeling of annoyance and anger. I made some comment in response, perhaps something like ‘are you being serious right now?’ and for whatever reason that kicked his brain into gear and he remembered me.

Or at least he pretended to. He wrote back to me ‘Haha, of course I’m not being serious!’ but I didn’t believe him.

He was a definite regret of mine. And seeing his name on my screen all over again made me cringe at past me. How did he get through my internal filters? How had I looked past the red flags that seem so obvious now.

Or am I meant to give myself grace for still being new to picking up the cues, that I can’t judge myself too harshly for past decisions made with the tools I had at the time?

In any case, he asked if we could pick up where we left off and if I wanted to meet up again sometime.

I politely declined. And when he was surprised and wanted to know my reasons for saying ‘no’ I deleted the message thread. So at least I’ve learned from some mistakes.