For awhile, when I was with my ex I did describe myself to friends as being ethically non monogamous. When he and I first got together it was only meant to be casual, I don’t think either one of us expected how feelings would emerge, that a relationship would begin.

Having said that, we both wanted to have more experiences with other people and neither one of us was exclusive to each other. It felt like it made sense to me.

Even when it felt like he was my ‘primary’ partner, I still wanted to continue things with others. During our relationship he too saw and had sex with others. We were open and honest with each other and it mostly worked okay.

Eventually I realised that even though he and I dabbled in meeting others together, I don’t think my heart was ever really in it. Towards the end of our relationship I felt like I was done exploring and experimenting with others and he was all I needed or wanted. I wasn’t intending to close our relationship but moreso that I wasn’t interested in making use of how open it was.

When things ended I wasn’t sure if ENM was a label that I needed anymore. Is that what I want/need? Or was that just the circumstances that I was in previously?

In moving on after the end of that relationship I met several people who described themselves as poly. And through conversations with those people I thought I wonder if I’m poly? I considered myself to still be in love with my ex, I had my on/off person that I’d quickly had feelings for. And I wondered if I was solo poly? If that were the right fit for me. I am capable of having multiple relationships where strong feelings are involved (even if things romantically and sexually ended with my ex).

But …would monogamy ever be something I’d be interested in? Or has ethically non monogamous and poly situations just been the right circumstances for me at those times?

These are the questions I’m struggling with. I really don’t know.