I was planning on making this another series of posts – writing in more detail about some of the things that have happened recently, things I find it hard to say or admit. But then I thought … why not start fresh in 2026?

So instead I’ll tell you the things that I’ve been holding back and maybe I’ll use them as resolutions for 2026? Let’s see how it goes.

I hate it when men try to make me squirt

It feels really obvious when men do this. And I’ve noticed a couple of men that I’ve had sex with in 2025 have a sort of glint in their eye and a sort of manic dedication in one particular area while we’ve been at it. And I’ve never said anything about it. But I should have. I really don’t like the feeling of squirting, it isn’t pleasurable to me, that they’re trying so hard at it just annoys me and it’s sort of off-putting as well. If it’s not for me or my pleasure then why all the hard work?

I should be better at communicating sex preferences and my own wants and needs in 2026.

I lost friends over a conversation about race

And I’m really fucking annoyed about it. It’s been bugging me that I haven’t written anything about it since it happened. But I am annoyed. These friends and I were at the party where my black friend was sexually harassed and fetishised about being black. And after the party, I mentioned it to these friends of mine. Friends who I’d had numerous conversations about how weird and gross other people are about bodies and about race and ethnicity check lists and so on.

I honestly thought they’d get it. Instead, I assume because of some uncomfortable truths that they would rather avoid, they left the group chat, we’ve never spoken again and are no longer friends. I’m still annoyed.

I need better friends in 2026.

I’m not as okay about the hurt and disappointments as I make out I am

I constantly feel like giving up. With sex, with dating, with relationships. It all feels so hard. Tedious, demoralising. This life brings so many big and small rejections. It’s hard sometimes to hold myself together to be mentally strong enough to keep soldiering on through hurt and disappointment.

It’s hard for me to hold onto an idea that I’ll find what I’m looking for. And it’s hard to do that while holding onto an idea that I deserve those things.

I’ll keep working at it.

I feel like at times I’ve been a pick-me girl

You know the scene in Grey’s Anatomy? ‘Pick me, choose me, love me‘ but it’s not just wanting those things. It’s also about wanting male validation at the cost of other women.

And I don’t want to be that girl. I have been that girl. Especially in those times where I’ve been seeing someone who also sees other people and in my thoughts I’ve been unkind or ungenerous about other women especially when I’ve felt overlooked or not chosen. But that stops now.

I need to find a way to get the attention and validation that I need but not at the cost of other women, even if that cost only happened in my thoughts.

I’m not that girl.