I only figured something out recently. And that is that money has impacted my sex, dating, and relationships. I… don’t consider the privilege that I have where I don’t think that much about money. And that has caused misunderstandings or made things worse. I feel like because of my behaviour and reactions, it has made others feel like I’m not someone they can be open with about. And I feel pretty bad about it.

There was the person where I suggested that we do this fun (expensive) thing together and then I got annoyed when they left me on read.

I’d badger another person to go out and do fun things with me and maybe the reason they hadn’t is because they’re being careful with their money?

I had one person who invited me to their home be weird about it. I remember I was lying on his bed after we’d had sex just enjoying the afterglow of orgasm and he said something like ‘I know, I know, I haven’t quite finished all the work in this room’ and later I realised he thought me staring at the ceiling meant that I was focused on cracks in the ceiling (or some other thing, I don’t know, I wasn’t aware of his ceiling).

Maybe I’m reading too much into all of these things. But maybe I’m not.

I don’t know what to do about any of it except be more aware of how things might be for others. I’ll probably be in a similar situation soon enough when my divorce goes through. Let’s see.