What did you really think of me when we first met?

When I pointed at which car was mine and you said ‘oh nice’ what did that actually mean?

Did you give me that horrible closed mouth kiss when we first met because you weren’t that interested? or because you were trying to be respectful?

Do you think things would have been different if I didn’t have to leave right away that time we met at Waterstones?

Did you notice that you changed, that you stopped being so open with me after a certain point? I always thought it was because of work and whatever stress you had going on in your life but I guess that was me making assumptions and I never really asked you?

Were you really never jealous at all when I met other people? Not even once? You said you never were but I guess I was hoping that wasn’t always accurate?

How did you feel when I told you I had feelings for you? I know what you said, but how did you feel about it?

Why didn’t things just end then? Did you think it maybe should have? Did you ever consider how it made me feel when you told me you didn’t feel the same way?

Do you care about me at all?

Do you think that maybe some of what you do feel for me is closer to having feelings? Or is it 100% accurate that you really just don’t feel anything for me at all?

I hated that you acted so jealous when she met someone else instead of you, did you know that?

Why do you remember things I tell you?

Is work just a handy excuse for you? Because I’m fairly sure anyone could respond or at least not leave someone on read as many times as you have to me and still maintain busy, pressurised work?

Why did you drive to my house that time? and take your work call a minute from my house?

That time I thought I had cancer and you were really sweet and kept checking in, that was less about me and more about past trauma in your own life, wasn’t it?

Do you think about me at all when we’re not messaging?

What did you think when you read my blog? or when you read the poems I wrote about you? or the story I wrote?

Has this all been because you think I’m too much? or that I feel too much?

Why do you look at my profile?

Why do you remember who I’ve met?

Why have you really never writtten me a verification?

Are you embarrassed or ashamed about knowing me? of having a sexual relationship with me?

Do you think that if you left me a verification that it might hurt your chances with other women that you are actually interested in?

What did you think when I told you I’d gotten you a Christmas gift?

Why have you been so weird about not accepting it?

Did you tell me that maybe sometime we could meet up socially for a coffee or to go for a walk or whatever just because that’s what I wanted? Or was it true? And you actually wanted to do those things?

Why have you never told me where you lived? Or invited me to your place? Do you really not trust me that much?

Did you feel anything when I said things had to end?

Do you know how much it hurt me that you were talking about ‘putting yourself out there’ with other people when we’d literally just ended because you never put in the effort with me?

Are you only being polite when I’ve messaged you because you don’t know how to tell me what you want?

Why do you not know what you want?

Why have you never asked yourself that?

Why do I think answers to any of these questions would help?