I have this person in my life. He’s such a great person to be around. He makes me smile and laugh and think more deeply about certain topics. He’s just generally lovely and when we spent time together (including have sex a few times!) I really loved it.

There was an issue though and it’s not one that I’ve been able to navigate properly. But the man can’t consistently communicate to save his life. But I knew that about him. I know his reasons for it and I know that he works hard to regulate himself and look after himself in order to communicate more effectively with others. With me on occasion.

And it’s my relationship with this person that actually had me reconsidering my relationship with my on/off person.

Because what this other person taught me is that it isn’t always about me. Sometimes other people, for whatever reason – good, bad, neutral – cannot meet my needs. This person? His communication style is not one that is compatible with what I need. So even though I adore him, I adore being in his company… I also just cannot be his friend. I cannot (and have not) continue to have a sexual relationship with him.

I wish him the very best, but he isn’t for me. And that’s okay.

And it’s reminded me that with my on/off person it isn’t always the fact that I’m not enough or that I don’t measure up to whatever weird thing going on in my head that I’m creating for my on/off person. Sometimes it’s just that, for whatever reason, some people don’t meet my needs. And that doesn’t make him a bad person. Nor is my friend a bad person. They just have their own ways of communicating and that doesn’t align with what I want or need.

And that’s okay.