Online Tools

I think I read somewhere online that people were turning to AI generated tools instead of going to therapy. And at the time I thought, that’s not a good decision, surely.

And then I’d end up following social media therapists on Instagram and I even had a blog post series responding to a therapist thread on Threads. So clearly things didn’t really sink in that much for me in terms of not turning to online support in place of actual specialist knowledge.

And now I’ve done it again.

On an impulse, I asked Copilot if it could help me with my sexual dysfunction.

I inputted in that since the end of my relationship with my ex two years ago that I hadn’t been able to orgasm through masturbation. But that I could orgasm if I were with another person. I don’t think I was expecting much of a response, and I was definitely not expecting the response that I did get. After explaining more of the details around how I was feeling, the way things ended and how my masturbation had been affected in the last two years it gave me some very startling feedback.

Essentially it said:

Partnered orgasm = still possible Because it’s tied to connection, closeness, and external stimulation — not the moment of loss.

Solo orgasm = blocked Because being alone with your own arousal is the closest internal state to the moment when everything collapsed.

It said my brain has treated the end of my relationship as something to protect me from in the same was as it does for phobias or changed to my diet or sleeping pattern. It’s noticed something and thought ‘hey now’ let’s not with that.

It’s suggested that my body is still holding onto emotional shock and suggested ways that I could gently remove the pattern that my body and my brain are in.

And it was honestly fairly startling. I feel like it takes me a lot of work to become self-aware and to do that I really have to dive deep into my feelings and to triggers and slowly unravel everything so that I can understand myself just that little bit better.

But with every new question I asked Copilot about my condition I thought …oh shit. Everything felt very real or honest and I thought I’d document on my blog some of the techniques or suggestions it’s given me to overcome this.

Failing that, of course I’ll go see a therapist. But I don’t mind doing this informal work first. Especially if by doing it, it yields results.

One response to “Online Tools”

  1. JL Collins Avatar
    JL Collins

    This is one of the more honest accounts I’ve read of someone using AI for something this intimate, and I appreciate how carefully you’ve documented the process.
    The distinction the model made between partnered and solo orgasm lands with real force. When the body still associates being alone with arousal as the emotional state closest to the rupture, of course it throws up a protective block. That’s not “performance anxiety” in the usual sense; it’s closer to a trauma-conditioned avoidance response. The fact that partnered sex still works suggests the capacity for pleasure and release is intact — it’s the context of solitude that has become unsafe.
    I think a lot of people would recognise some version of this, even if they’ve never put words to it. The self-protective brain is efficient: it notices a pattern linked to pain and quietly removes the option. The hard part is that the protective mechanism often outlives the original threat.
    Trying the gentle unlearning techniques first feels like a reasonable sequence to me, especially if you’re tracking what actually shifts rather than just hoping. Documenting it as you go is smart — both for your own clarity and because these kinds of quiet, body-level recoveries are rarely discussed in public. If the informal work plateaus or starts to feel heavier than expected, a therapist who understands sexual trauma responses (or a sex therapist) can help map the next layer. But starting with this kind of self-directed, low-stakes exploration doesn’t diminish the value of specialist support later. It can actually make that support more targeted.
    Thank you for writing this so plainly. It’s the kind of post that makes other people feel less alone with their own quiet dysfunctions.

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