I’ve done this thing in the past. Where whenever I was taking pictures of me in lingerie or about to start a masturbation session I might message him. Tell him details of what was happening. Send him outtakes of my photo session. Sometimes he’d get more explicit pictures.

It’s been sexy. I’ve enjoyed doing it.

One day I’d had an empty house (unheard of!) for hours and hours. I’d messaged him and invited him over. I said my new sex toys were arriving. I thought it could be fun to experiment with him. But it wasn’t to be. He didn’t message me until the end of the day when there were people in my house. I was tired by that time and decided to get a really early night. I said to him ask me about my new toys tomorrow when you have some time to talk.

But I sent him a picture in the morning anyway. My new tentacle dildo against my thighs. And it started a sexy conversation about how the tentacle felt … I went on to tell him about my new butt plugs and how I felt trying them out… and finally my glass dildo, the feeling of using it straight out of the freezer.

I thought we were on the same page with things. I thought we were both enjoying this whole conversation. I had said to him that I was enjoying another masturbation session and in at least one of my pictures that I’d sent across, if you were paying attention, you could see that I wasn’t wearing any clothes.

But conversation had moved onto this other older dildo that I had. I had said that I’d wanted something girthier and the only option I had for girth was this particular dildo. I sent that picture to him too but because it was in the morning, my curtains were closed, the big light was obviously off. Lighting wasn’t great and who knows, maybe his brain had already gone there.

He asked, are you fantasising about when you had that in person?

I thought I knew what he meant and said it’s been so long since you were inside me

Yes it has, he said. But he meant was I fantasising about that big black cock that fucked you a few months ago?

Let me tell how that felt like a cold bucket of water being thrown over me all at once. All pleasure I was feeling in the moment fled instantly. And what consumed me next was confusion, hurt. I asked why the fuck he thought I was thinking about some other man just then? And why that man of all people knowing as he did what he did to me?

He was like, you’re talking about girth and have a big black dildo…

I said, you’ll find that my dildo is actually blue and purple and I’m over here thinking of your cock and now I don’t even want to continue

We talked about it after and if I’m honest I’m still confused by how he got it so wrong. He insisted that it wasn’t jealousy about the one time I’ve had a penis larger than him and that he just has a weird sex brain that catalogs and remembers these types of things.

But I don’t think I really believe it. But then, I don’t really know what to think anymore. That will certainly be the last time in awhile that I share that type of sexual intimacy with him.