I had this friend once. We’d met several times before, over coffee or at a local pub. Sometimes his wife would be there too but not every time. And we talked about work and children, local events, reading, niche hobbies. Sex, dating. There really weren’t any topics off limits. 

He was such a strange friend. He contacted me via a sex website we both use and the purpose, I’m imagining, was to find out if I’d be interested in having a threesome with him and his wife. And I enjoyed the friendship and company of his wife, she’s attractive, funny, and very interesting to talk with …but her and I are both (probably) reciprosexual so logistically, would we ever work out? 

It was initially him that I found fascinating anyway. It was him that sparked all my curiosity when he sent me essay length messages. Asking me interested questions, being incredibly interesting in the life things that he’s passionate about. The overlap of many things we shared was such a bonus.

When we met up, I loved his smile, the way he’d listen to me and his wife talk about attraction and how he’d empathise but he was fairly open about his own attraction to others being much more simple and straightforward. But it was also …just different. The addition of his wife changed the dynamic. He was less flirty with me, less open in his attraction. He never touched me, ever. 

So I figured it was just platonic. I referred to them both for awhile as my ‘platonic couple friends’. We created a group chat that never touched on sex or the possibility of threesomes or sex filled weekends. Instead we talked about film, about walking, about hats and dancing. Sometimes I’d fill them in on other dates I’d been on. When they started bringing up dates they’d been on together and separately, I figured that was a subtle hint that we’d all moved on. 

So when he and I arranged to go to a local board game meet up together, I didn’t think anything of it. Not even when we arrived at the same time and joined the group together. When the board game host asked our names I said nothing so he said our names and the host assumed we were together for the rest of the night. 

We sat across from each other and even when I was talking and laughing with the others at this group I could feel his eyes on me. When we switched to playing a different board game every time he attacked me it felt like he was flirting with me and I reciprocated in mock outrage that my hand of cards was being threatened. I took off my jumper and he looked a little pointedly at the design on my t-shirt directly over my boobs before giving me a compliment. I met his eyes when I said ‘thank you’ feeling a little charge between us. 

After the first two board games, I made my excuses and we both left at the same time. Because it was too much socialising, apparently, though we stayed talking just to each other for another hour. When he walked me to my car he said he wanted to kiss me. That he’d had a great evening with me, that I looked impossibly cute and that he wasn’t going to question it. He just knew he wanted to kiss me. 

When we did kiss, standing in the car park right off the High Street, it was electric. I may not always know if I’m attracted to someone but that night I did. Every part of me wanted to touch him, my mouth wanted more kisses, I wanted more. 

When we broke apart, out of breath and dazed he said something that would haunt me. I’ve had dreams about him saying it. ‘I know I could be a great friend to you and an even better lover.’ But it was followed up with a ‘but’ But his wife and the journey they were on. That they were already navigating taking that next step with inviting someone else into their sexual relationship. That it wasn’t fair on me to do things rashly and recklessly. 

So we never kissed again. Did we ever meet up again? I’m not sure. I think we suggested it and it never happened. Eventually conversation on the group chat dried up. And all I have left are the memories of a really great and electric kiss.