I first read Unsticky by Sarra Manning the same week it was published 16 years ago. I had been a fan of her YA books and I was excited to read her first foray into the adult market. It’s a book about a young woman who accepts an older man’s proposition to be his girlfriend in exchange for thousands of pounds per month. On a whim, I decided to pick it up again to see if I’d love it as much this time as I did when I first read it.

One of the first things that surprised me was that I was in my mid to late twenties when the book first came out. I remember being drawn into the story and loving it completely – but I didn’t have memories attached to my own age. I’d been married for nearly a decade when Unsticky was published and despite only being a few years older than the main character, Grace, I found that I had nothing in common with her. I didn’t understand her. Not just that she was in fashion working at a magazine. But all of it. Being single at 23. Living in London, going out and meeting people, having young people experiences. Part of the appeal about reading Unsticky was living vicariously through her experiences.

One of the most interesting things that I noticed about my initial reaction and how that opinion has changed is my reaction to the age gap between Grace and Vaughn. When I first read it, I was pretty shocked at him being 18 years older than her, and gasp, in his early 40s. I remember when I first read it I didn’t think people in their 40s were appealing to me sexually and when I read it I actually pretended like he wasn’t in his 40s but that his age hovered around the more acceptable 35 (god, I was awful!). Now that I’m in my 40s, shockingly my perspective has changed.

I think this time around I viewed some of Grace’s realisations about her own sexual pleasure to be a lot more interesting but also her views on relationships and dating. Obviously this is because I’ve been on my own quest towards figuring out my own sexual wants and needs and dipping my own toes into relationships and dating. Her cynical view of love made me sad then and it still makes me sad now. But there are things that are said in the book that still make me feel deep inside because of the truth of it.

I’m pretty sure the ‘whim’ I had was more to explore a story where the relationship the two main characters have seems cold and like a business transaction but not so deep down there’s real love and affection there. I think I wanted to read it because I want to pretend that the situationship I’m in goes deeper than it does. I want to pretend that at the end of our story will come declarations of love too.

And it was nice to slide back into familiar story for a bit. With the crazy highs and lows of fashion and high art, with bickering best friends and prickly men. It’s definitely a favourite for a reason.