Category: dating

Awhile ago someone started a conversation about age gap relationships. They asked in particular, what are the reasons that women wouldn’t consider dating or seeing a younger man?

And I remember my answer was that it was primarily societal reasons. I remember growing up people talking about the predatory nature of ‘cougars’ or conversations not even specifically about me or anybody that I really knew about taking advantage, robbing the cradle, or other such things. All spoken about in a really negative light. And it’s only been recently that I feel like the opposite – an older man and a younger woman – has really had a spotlight shed on it with any questions or concerns about that distance.

It’s always felt more acceptable when the man is older.

Speaking of my own experience, I remember feeling uncomfortable when I met a couple who were in their mid-20s when I was almost 40 at the time. They were okay with it, if I put aside unfounded guilt, I’m okay with it too. The only thing spoiling the experience for me is the possible push-back from others who would be judgmental of that experience.

I did see a younger man for a bit. Lovely man, we had a great time together. But when I mentioned it to a friend she had a visceral reaction like I’m doing WHAT. And her reaction both really hurt and maybe also surprised me. I thought we’d moved on from such things. I’m an adult woman and this was an adult man. We had things in common, we enjoyed each other’s company. We weren’t together long enough for society and societal expectations to creep in and spoil things (we were perfectly capable of doing that individually!) but it probably was a thing that affected us, even subconsciously.

And it makes me sad.

I did watch two films recently, you’ve probably already seen them that covers similar themes.

The first was Babygirl which had so much hype around the sexiness of it, the subversiveness of it all. I watched it months after everyone else and I felt like it was just a mess. The entire story arc was chaotic and it felt like there wasn’t a cohesive message or takeaway from it. I didn’t much care for Nicole Kidman’s character or Harris Dickinson’s character. I didn’t love the implication that Nicole Kidman’s characters’ unusual upbringing led her to how she was. I finished the film and thought …I will never get that time back.

Did I think that it helped towards normalising an age gap in romantic relationships or sexual relationships? Not really.

And after that I watched Mad About the Boy, the Bridget Jones film. And Renee Zellwegger falling for Leo Woodall in this film was just pure joy. There was an age gap and it was clear to see the differences in their approach to stuff from their age. But it felt like Renee Zellwegger was able to live a little, have more fun in her life, feel sexy and enjoy pleasure, attention and everything else that Leo Woodall brought into her life. And he seemed similarly able to get real joy from being with her. It was lovely to watch. And honestly? I’d love to see more it.

I feel like everything moves so slowly in terms of changing perspectives on women and sex and relationships. But I’d definitely like to see more representation and acceptance of women who are choosing pleasure and joy whether that means being on their own, doing their own things, embracing their sexuality, fucking a younger man or whatever it might look like.